My ego got one over on me the past couple weeks. It has been disguising its fear as a pain in my arm and eye strain, which subtly, unbeknown to me became excuses for writing less and not taking steps toward my dreams. I know why too. My ego is afraid of failure and, it’s afraid of success and, it will resort to sabotage to preserve and protect its delicate balance.
I’ve spent considerable time thinking about the ego. For the most part it has such a negative undertone that I wonder what purpose it really serves.
According to Google, ego is “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity”. It is the “I” or the “self” in our thinking. It’s not Who we are…it’s the mental evil twin that houses fear, judgment, entitlement and resistance.
Abraham-Hicks says the selfish ego is perfect in its constant asking for more. It drives the expansion of our experience and our world. Abraham also says everything everyone does is because they believe it will make them feel better. I.E., we do what we do naturally out of self-interest. This is referred to as egoism and I’m ok with these. After all, I go shopping because I like new things and I get pedicures because I like pretty feet, and I stalk my kid’s Face book page because I want to know what’s going on 700 miles away and he’s not talking. I started this website because I like to create something from nothing and because I wanted to find my tribe of thought promoters.
Egotism is an excessive or exaggerated sense of self-importance, and that’s where I think I got into trouble. Being totally honest, launching this website brings up thoughts such as “What if they don’t like me? What if no one reads the blogs? What if they read them and think I’m a horrible writer? What if no one joins me as a MUT?” or “OMG, what if 10,000 other MUTs join my crusade and read what I write? What if someone wants me to give a talk about being a MUT? What if the site gets so popular I can’t handle it on my own?”
See what I mean? I’m flopping like a fish from a fear founded by arrogance from taking things too seriously and my mind making shtuff up so it won’t be surprised just in case one of the ‘what ifs’ materializes. Whether I fail or succeed my ego will want to scream, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” So a couple weeks ago it said “Whoa….lets slow this puppy down a little and get things back to the way they were before any of this mattered to her. A pain or two will do just the trick.” And to that I say, Oh hell no!
The moral of this long story is: If you are too busy, too tired, too poor, too sad, too ______ to pursue your dream, then you could be under the spell of a clever and cunning ego that would rather things just stay the same because same = safe.
Thank you for giving this some thought! You will benefit, your loved ones will benefit and so will the planet!