Truth be told, there was a time in my past if I was looking at your hair and thinking it looked great that I was probably thinking mine looked crappy. Or, if I was thinking you were having a bad hair day, I was likely thinking that my ‘do looked awesome. Yes, I was a busy body busy judging…me. You see, what appears to be my judgment of you is actually my judgment of me.
Here’s how that works.
All thought is thought about ourselves (yes it is!). Everything we think and do is because we think it will make us feel better (yes it is!). It’s inherent in humans and it’s unwittingly reinforced by the people who raise us. We strive to be special in their eyes and we compete with siblings and anyone else trying to do the same. When we go to school, this behavior intensifies as we’re openly compared to our peers on a scale ranging from bad to best. This means years of emotional whiplash thinking “I’m better than. No I’m not. I look good. No I don’t. I’m special. I suck.”
Unless you’re an only-child hermit the comparison affliction, like ear wax, cannot be avoided. It should fade with age but if it doesn’t it can become debilitating as the tendency to compare ourselves to others (aka judge ourselves) keeps us from finding our self worth and our own potential.
The good news is there’s a cure. If you’re reading this and it resonated with you, you took the first step toward treatment without knowing it…awareness. We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken, right?
Next step: Judgment involves rejection so STOP criticizing yourself! Practice a little narcissism if you have to but let yourself off the hook for the imagined imperfection in yourself and your life.
Step three (The Cure): Learn to love you. When you stop judging your hair as better or worse than theirs, or your body or your house, etc., you stop emulating someone else and you free yourself to see the unlimited possibilities of your own path. A book by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life, is a good place to learn more.
Each minute we’re alive we have the opportunity to start our lives anew. Our thinking determines who we’re with, the things we have, the place we live, and the person we are. A better feeling life and a great looking ‘do are only a mental refresh away.
Thank you for giving this some thought. You will benefit, your loved ones will benefit and so will the planet!